How to Grow Closer to God When Your Heart is Broken

When your heart is broken finding god in your grief can be difficult but not impossible.

Seasons of grief and loss are so hard. They break your heart and can put you into a mindset and heart posture of despair. It can be hard to maintain a relationship with God in those seasons or to even grow close to God. 

Today, I want to answer a question from our community about how you can continue to grow closer to God even when you are in a season of grief and sorrow. This is such an important question because we all will experience some kind of loss or grief in our lives, and it can be so hard to remember to grow closer to God during those seasons. 

Listen on Apple Podcasts | Spotify


God Can Handle Your Grief

The first thing that I want to say is that God can handle all of your emotions: big, small, in between, happy, sad, whatever. Grief is no exception. God can handle your grief. Oftentimes you hold back on expressing your true feelings because they’re ugly and raw. It doesn’t always come out pretty. 

You can wonder if it’s okay to talk to God this way. Is it disrespectful? Is it rude? I want you to remember that God already knows how you feel. He already knows what you’re thinking. He knows what you’re going through. He sees you. He sees the hurt and the pain that you’re dealing with, and he can handle that no matter how ugly it comes out.

If you scream and yell, if you throw things, if you curse however it comes out, God can handle all of it. He is big enough for it all. Don’t allow the enemy to trick you into holding that in because of some preconceived notion that God’s going to hit you with a lightning bolt if you step up to him the wrong way. 

That’s not going to happen. Once I was in a season of grief and there has been a lot of loss. I’d had two miscarriages and I had had it. I was pissed. I was brokenhearted, and I let God have it! I remember sitting in the middle of my floor screaming. 

I was screaming and yelling and sobbing with snot running down my face and all the things because I was in so much pain and I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t want to have it. I needed to get it out. I needed to give it away. So I just let God have it all and it came out ugly and nasty and a mess. But it came out. 

Once I got it out, I was finally able to hear God again because I couldn’t hear him through my anger and my hurt. All I heard was my anger and my hurt, but I was able to hear him again, and I was able to finally start taking steps towards true healing and moving forward through the grieving process. 

God wants that for all of you. He doesn’t want you walking around with all of that hurt and pain. He wants you to give it to him, but I know that it can be difficult. It’s a difficult thing to know what to do. The bible has great examples of what it looks like to grow closer to God, to reach out to him in prayer and connection when you are grieving.

The Lament Psalms

They are found in the Psalms, there are specific songs called Lament Psalms. If you look in the dictionary for lament, it is a passionate expression of grief or sorrow. Passionate is not just feeling sad or really down. No, it’s full of emotion. It’s very expressive because that is what grief is. It’s big, it’s heavy, and it’s going to come out big.

Sometimes loud, sometimes ugly, but that’s a passionate expression of grief or sorrow. When you look at a lament Psalm, that’s exactly what it is. It’s a passionate expression of the person writing the Psalm of some grief or sorrow that they are experiencing. 

Think of things like groaning, moaning, weeping, and wailing. That is what you need to have in your mind when you think of the word lament. These psalms are written to express this big emotion, and they tell you exactly how to God with your grief and allow that to bring you closer to him. 

Feeling overwhelmed by challenges, uncertain about your faith, and struggling to manage your emotions alone? Want to climb out of your pit of despair? It’s exhausting when every hurdle feels insurmountable and your emotions threaten to drown you. But what if you didn’t have to navigate this journey alone? Take the first step towards peace. Book your Emotional Resilience Coaching package today!

Deep Dive into Psalm 6

Let’s take a look at Psalm 6 and talk a little bit about the structure and some principles that we can pull out from it.

Oh Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger, nor chase in me, in your wrath. Be gracious to me, oh Lord, for I am pining away, heal me, oh Lord, for my bones are dismayed and my soul is greatly dismayed. But you, oh Lord, how long return, oh Lord, rescue my soul. Save me because of your loving kindness. For there is no mention of you in death and shell who will give you thanks. I am weary with my sighing. Every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears. My eye has wasted away with grief. It has become old because of all my adversaries depart from me. All you who do iniquity for the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping, the Lord has heard my supplication. The Lord receives my prayer. All my enemies will be ashamed and greatly dismayed. They shall turn back and will suddenly be ashamed. 

Here’s what I love about the Psalms, especially the lament Psalms, they’re raw and honest. You don’t have to wonder what David or whoever it is that wrote the Psalm is thinking or feeling because they tell you. This is key when you’re looking at how to grow closer to God in your grief. 

Be Open and Honest About Your Feelings

The first thing you notice is the fact that the Psalmist does not mince words. He does not hold back in telling God what’s wrong, what they’re feeling, and why they’re hurting. It’s there. It’s all out there. “I’m pining away. My bones are dismayed. My soul is dismayed.” 

I’m weary with sighing. I’m dissolving my couch with my tears. I am ugly crying and sobbing and all of these things because I am grieving so much. I’m in such despair and sorrow. I am a mess, very open and honest about how they are feeling. 

The first think you need to do is go to God and be open and honest with how you feel. Verse 3 asks “Lord how long?” They’re saying Lord, I am suffering. How long until you come and do something about it? They’re just very honest.  

I think we can all relate to the “Lord, how long?” question. I know I’ve asked that many times. Do you hear me? Are you paying attention? Do you even care? Be open and honest and tell God what’s wrong. Tell him why you’re upset. Tell him why you’re grieving. Tell him what is causing you all this sorrow and pain. 

Be Honest About What You Want

The second thing that you want to do is to tell God what you want him to do about it. Yes, I know we don’t want to be in the habit of telling God what to do, but there’s a time and place for it. The Psalmist has expressed why they’re hurting and why they’re upset. They’ve asked their questions. 

Then in verse 4  says, “return oh Lord, and rescue my soul. Save me because of your loving kindness.” He’s said he’s in despair and now he’s telling God what he wants him to do about it. David is very clear here, he wants the Lord to come and rescue him. 

It’s okay to express the desires of your heart. To say, “Lord, I am hurting, and here’s what I want you to do about it.” So the first part is to be open and honest about what’s going on. The second thing is to tell God what you want him to do about it. 

Express Your Trust in God’s Sovereignty

If you just stopped there, you’d kind of be in a lurch. You’d be trying to dictate to God what he should do. And that’s not what prayer is about. You need this third piece for it all to fit together and flow like it’s supposed to. 

Once you’ve bared your soul and told God what you want him to do about it, the final piece is to express your faith and your trust in both God’s character and his sovereignty. If you look at the end of the Psalm, you read, “depart from me all you do iniquity. Because the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping, the Lord has heard my supplication. The Lord receives my prayer.” 

David starts at the beginning in complete despair, distraught and grieving and sorrowful, and says, Lord, I just want you to come and save me. By the end of this Psalm, he’s gotten to a place where he’s like, you know what, I’m good. 

I’m fine because I know that God has heard me. He’s heard my request, he’s heard me share my pain. He’s heard me ask him to come and save me, and he’s going to receive that. I know that he’s going to act upon that. 

Looking at this Psalm of lament, they’re all structured in a very similar way. They start with what the problem is and what’s going on and why they’re hurting, telling God what they need, and what they want, and it always ends with this statement of trust and assurance in who God is and what his character is. 

That tells you what God’s going to do. When you are trying to think through how to grow closer to God in seasons of grief this is how. Share with him what is on your heart. Express to God the pain that you are feeling deep inside your soul. 

If you’re disappointed, if you are angry, if you’re frustrated, if you’re confused and have no earthly idea what in the world is going on, share that with God and then ask him for what it is that you want. Lord, I need this pain to stop. I need you to come and rescue me. I need you to move this person out of my life.

 I need you to drop a money tree in my backyard. Whatever it is that you need, be open and honest with him because he knows. Once you get all of that out and you’ve unburdened yourself,  find your rest, peace, hope, and strength in the knowledge of his character and who he is. The fact that he is sovereign, in control, and he sees you and he loves you, and he’s going to do something about it. 

Final Thoughts on Finding God in Grief

Those are three things that you can do that’s going to help you grow closer to God when you are in pain and when you’re grieving. A quick before I go: 

Lord, I am just so grateful for the chance to open your word and share it with your daughters, to share what I have learned, to share my experience, and most of all to share the principles that you give us in scripture. 

I want to pray for the woman who’s reading today. God, I don’t know all of what everybody’s going through. We all have our different battles and our different struggles, but for everybody here who’s walking through a season of grief,  I  want to ask that you wrap your arms around each one of these ladies. 

God, let them feel your presence. Let them feel your comfort and let them know that you are a safe place to bring their grief, to bring their hurt, to bring their pain, and give them the boldness to be open and honest with you, God, so that you can come in and begin to heal their hearts and to heal those hurts. In your name, we pray, amen. 

Other Helpful Resources:


Finding god in your grief can bring much needed comfort to your heart and soul.

Do you emotions feel too BIG to handle? Learn how emotion mapping can help you calm down, rewire your brain, and learn to cope better so you can have peace and joy again!

Discover 3 Steps to Managing Your BIG Emotions