Emotional Quick Fixes: Why They Don't Work

Emotional quick fixes do not help you when trying to cope with hard times.

We have become a society of people who don’t like to wait. We want our things right away. We want Amazon Prime packages delivered on the same day. We want everything quick, fast, and in a hurry.

You know what? The same thing happens when it comes to managing your emotions. So many times I talk with people who just want to feel better right now. And I get it. I was just like that when I was walking through hard times. I understand this need for a quick fix, but here’s the thing: there’s no such thing as a quick fix, especially when it comes to something as complex as emotions.

Dealing with your emotions, managing your emotions, and healing from certain things in your past – there are no quick fixes. Today, I want to talk with you about why I think quick fixes are a myth and what you can do instead when it comes to navigating and figuring out how to deal with the emotions that come up, even when they are big and overwhelming when you are walking through hard times.

Listen on Apple Podcasts | Spotify

I was out the other day with my little guys; they are currently eight and four, and it was so funny. We had to wait in line for a little while, and my four-year-old, in all of his four-year-oldness, says, “It’s taking forever!” We’d been waiting in line for only about two minutes. It had not taken forever, but to him, it was taking forever because he does not like waiting.

He’s not used to waiting. He’s used to having things almost instantaneously. I realized that I am the same way when things are hard, don’t make sense, or when I’m tired. I just want it to be done, and I want it to be done right now.

But that’s not the reality of the world we live in, right? I want to talk today about this myth of quick fixes and what you can do instead.

Understanding the Urge for Quick Fixes

Why do we want quick fixes? Why is that usually the first thing that we go to? Why are we such a culture of instant gratification? Honestly, we’re wired like this. We are wired to seek comfort and relief as quickly as possible, and it’s a good thing.

When you put your hand on a hot stove and you feel pain, you want to quickly get relief from that discomfort. You want to pull your hand off immediately. You don’t want to hesitate as you’re burning the skin off your hand. It’s for protection.

We’ve gone beyond that need for protection to where we just want quick fixes all the time for all the things. I think a lot of this comes from society. We are always looking at how to do things quicker, faster, better, more efficiently, and cheaper.

And social media – it is all about instant gratification. We want that like, we want that comment, we want that share, we want that heart right away. And if I don’t have enough comments on my post within two seconds of posting, like, what’s going on? What’s wrong? What does that say about me?

We want our food fast. We have instant communication. We no longer have to wait for letters to go through the mail. Sometimes that has a place, and it’s great, but sometimes it does harm. This is never more true than when it comes to your emotions.

A lot of times, what I have seen, and I went through this myself for a time, is that we are looking for quick fixes for our emotional discomfort. We go somewhere and there’s a little bit of tension in a conversation, and we want to figure out how to get rid of that tension really, really fast. I’m just going to agree with you so the tension goes away. I’m going to argue as best as I can to make the tension go away. I’m just going to avoid it altogether to make the tension go away.

That’s how we live our lives. Listen, fear, anxiety, sadness, anger – all of those things are just part of being human. It is part of how God made you– to have all of these experiences and these emotions. And any quick fix that you find is going to be temporary.

You’re going to temporarily have relief from whatever you’re experiencing, but it’s not going to go away. It’s going to always be there, and the longer you avoid it, the worse it’s going to become. I think we lose sight of this because the things we see in books, in movies, and on TV, happen rapidly. We’re getting everybody’s highlight reel.

Oh, I started here, and now I’m here. Even here on this blog, you guys get the benefit of hindsight. When I share my story, I might say, I used to be here, but now look at how great things are and how much better things are on this side, and it seems like it was instant. It seems like it was short, but it wasn’t.

It’s decades of work, decades of making mistakes, decades of looking for help, and decades to get to the place where I am. And even though I feel like I’m in a much better spot than I was even five years ago, I still have growing to do. I still have room to grow. There are still more things that I can accomplish.

We need to be careful about reinforcing this idea of instant solutions. If you are anywhere and somebody tells you they can help you get over whatever’s making you angry in five days or less, please walk away. It doesn’t happen. It takes time, hard work, and dedication. You’re going to get some things right, and then you’re going to mess up some things.

It’s a process, and you have to let go of this need and desire to have things fixed quickly because you shortchange yourself when you are always looking for something quick and fast. I want to encourage you to take a moment and think: are you the kind of person who tends to seek out quick fixes? If you are, you’re in great company because I think we all tend to do that in some way, shape or form.

But I want to invite you to think through what the experience was like when you got that quick fix. Was it what you were expecting? Did it last? Did it work? What was that like for you? If you’re anything like me, you’re probably going to admit that you tried it and thought it worked, but it really didn’t. In fact, it probably made things a little bit worse. I want you to recognize what the patterns of things that are going on in your life are so that you can begin to deal with these.

Are you a highly sensitive, introverted woman who feels overwhelmed by your emotions? Processing your feelings and learning to embrace your sensitivity can be challenging. But what if you didn’t have to navigate this journey alone? Take the first step towards peace. Book your Feel Your Feelings coaching session today!

Why Quick Fixes Don’t Work

Now let’s talk about why these quick fixes don’t work.

Quick Fixes are Superficial

Number one, they’re superficial. Quick fixes are just dealing with and addressing the thing that is right on the top, right on the surface. And when it comes to emotions, that is usually not the actual problem. I’ll give you an example:

For a long time, I was angry. I was just mad about a lot of stuff. I had a lot of hard things in my childhood and my teens, and I was mad. On the surface, I just needed to deal with my anger. I needed to stop being angry and I would be fine. No. Two decades later, after doing a lot of mindset work, emotion work, and counseling and therapy, do you know what was at the root of my anger? It was fear.

It was fear of being abandoned. As long as I focused on anger and dealing with my anger, I would have never gotten down to this fear of abandonment. I would have never gotten there because I was looking at the wrong thing. Yes, I may have temporarily calmed my anger down, or I might have even resolved my anger and gotten control of those things. But something else was bound to pop-up because I hadn’t gotten to the root yet. I needed to keep working.

A lot of times, what these superficial solutions look like are ways to either distract you from what you’re feeling or to numb yourself. I talk about over- [fill in the blank]: overeating, over-shopping, over-exercising, over-sleeping, etc. It’s the things we do to focus our attention away from what’s actually bothering us and causing us stress.

All this does is just delay the inevitable. It’s all still there when you come back to it. When you’re done shopping, when you’re done drinking, and when you’re done with whatever it is you’re doing. It’s all still there waiting for you, and it doesn’t help.

Quick Fixes Mask the Problem

The second reason why quick fixes don’t work is because they mask the problem. Instead of getting to the root of the problem, that underlying issue, it just masks the problem. I’ll go back to my anger thing. I thought I was fine because I’d dealt with my anger. I went to counseling, I got some anger management skills and techniques, and I knew what to do. I told myself I was fine, I didn’t need to deal with anything else.

Wrong! There was a lot of stuff underneath that anger that I needed to go through to get down to that fear of abandonment that I was experiencing. Ignoring and suppressing emotions doesn’t help you in the long run because they always come back, and they come back with a vengeance.

My anger came back with a vengeance. I was taking it out on my children, who had nothing to do with any of the things that I was upset about. It came back, and it came back ten times as strong. We need to be careful about masking the real issue because it’s going to bite you in the booty when it comes back.

Quick Fixes Provide No Results

The third reason why they don’t work is that there are actually no results. You’re not accomplishing anything by seeking after these quick fixes. There is no long-lasting change. You know why? Because true emotional growth, learning to manage your emotions and be resilient, requires introspection.

You have to sit down and take a look at yourself to see what’s there. You need to be aware of what you’re feeling, how it looks and feels in your body, and your behaviors. All of this takes intentional effort over time.

Quick fixes often give us a sense of control, but when that thing comes back differently or when something stronger comes back, you don’t know how to cope because you didn’t take the time to do the work. You’re at risk of escalating like how my anger came back with a vengeance. Anytime you don’t deal with something, it just gets stronger.

By the time it came back at me, I was extremely depressed, anxious, and chronically stressed out. It affected every area of my life: emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. It wasn’t just a behavioral issue. It was affecting every aspect of my life because I didn’t want to deal with it.

Quick Fixes Keep You From Growing

The final thing I want to share is that quick fixes keep you from growing; they keep you stuck. If you’re not dealing with your issues, you won’t grow, heal, or learn about yourself. You won’t develop empathy for others going through similar things because you haven’t done the work to understand. You’re missing all of that by chasing quick fixes. Quick fixes don’t work; they usually cause more harm.

What You Should Do Instead

So, what should you do instead? I’m glad you asked. I have some answers for you.

Address Your Whole Self

First, look at your emotions on multiple levels. Address yourself as a whole person—mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You’re not just a heart walking around. You have a mind, a physical body, and a soul.

You need to nurture and take care of all aspects of yourself. When dealing with your emotions, keep in mind that you need all the tools in your toolbox. Spiritual growth practices alone won’t cut it, and counseling alone won’t either. You need to address every part of yourself to be well.

Build Self-Awareness

Second, develop self-awareness. Know yourself. Observe your thoughts, emotions, actions, choices, and their results. Begin by acknowledging and naming your emotions without judging them. “I’m worried,” “I feel betrayed,” “I’m exhausted,” whatever it is, just acknowledge it.

This allows you to accept and validate your emotions, even the uncomfortable ones. We often seek external validation, but the only person who needs to validate your experiences is you. If you say, “I am experiencing frustration,” that validates your feelings.

Be comfortable accepting whatever you’re feeling. All your emotions are valid and provide important information about what you’re dealing with and what you need.

Growth Mindset

To manage your emotions well, you need to have a growth mindset. A growth mindset sees challenges and hardships as opportunities to learn and grow. If you have a setback or misstep, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this experience and take forward with me?”

Develop coping strategies. Quick fixes don’t teach you how to cope, manage, process, and move forward from your experiences. You need to build the muscle of resilience. You do this by practicing healthy coping mechanisms.

Resilience is not about avoiding or ignoring your feelings; it’s about bouncing back and bouncing back better. It’s about having self-compassion, being kind to yourself, taking care of yourself, and giving yourself permission to be human and make mistakes.

Build a Support System

What else can you do? Look for support, connection, and community. You’ll hear me say this a lot: you need to get the help and support you need, whether it’s medical, emotional, spiritual, or physical—counselors, doctors, mentors, friends, family, whatever you need.

Managing your emotions during hard times is difficult, and you don’t want to do it alone. That’s not what God wants for you. He doesn’t want you to be isolated. You need to build your support system and community.

When you do all of these things, you will see that quick fixes aren’t the answer. They don’t accomplish anything. It’s a lot like spiritual bypassing. We often default to spiritual bypassing as a band-aid for our problems. It’s a quick fix. We think, “I can just pray” or “I can just pick up that Bible study,” because we want to feel like we’re accomplishing something. But if it’s not addressing the root of your problems, it’s not helping you.

Learn to identify when you’re chasing a quick fix, and remember all the things you can do to achieve long-lasting change and peace. It’s worth the time and effort. You are worth the time and effort it takes to manage your emotions well, and to have peace of mind, rest, strength, and hope as you walk through life.

Why Quick Fixes Won’t Help When You Feel Overwhelmed